Trauma

    Trauma is a part of human life.  In the presence of real or perceived threats, our bodies’ defenses spring into action.  The memory of every trauma is stored in every cell in our body.

    As children, we are not emotionally mature enough to handle traumas, so they are resisted and stored in our psyches — events frozen in time waiting to be faced later in life.  If a trauma is intense enough, we create a different personality to protect ourselves from this pain.  These are very adaptive responses to experiences that might otherwise destroy us.  I created a Ben personality at age 4 when my mother started talking to me as an adult and a Dameon personality when I couldn’t handle my separation from her during my year of study in Jerusalem.

    Traumatic memories can be stored in every part of our bodies.  Deep tissue massage helped to release trauma that was held in the muscles of my body, but my deepest trauma was held in my heart and lungs.

    In the Divine Healing 1 class, I experienced intense pain in my heart, and my guides told me that I was experiencing the collective pain of my ancestors who felt unworthy of being loved.  Then I felt pain and congestion in my lungs as I began to process past life trauma.  I had to keep lying down to avoid passing out.  I remembered my last life as a Native American when I returned from hunting to find that my soulmate wife Minaiya, our 2 children and all of the women and children in our village were massacred by white soldiers.  I went on a killing spree and killed as many innocent whites as possible before I was killed.  In the swing between worlds, I had the opportunity to let go of my hate, but I chose not to.  I did not willingly incarnate into this life because I knew that I had a huge karmic debt to pay.

    Trauma is often passed through families through generations.  My alcoholic grandfather passed on his addictive personality to my mother and then to me.

    My soulmate wife Minaiya returned in this life as my mother which complicated our relationship dramatically.  While I was in Jerusalem for my junior year of college, she met Yates, a man 15 years older than her who was willing to be her Daddy as she repeated childhood and started talking in baby talk with a lisp.  When Mom divorced Dad, she divorced me as well, and it took her 10 years to grow up and be my mother again.  When I returned from Israel, the mother that I had known was gone, and I lost my soulmate connection 2 lifetimes in a row.  This is the primary trauma that I have faced in this lifetime.

    I continued to process trauma ever since Divine Healing 1.  My close proximity to the Radiance of the Divine Mother has kept me in a constant state of healing.  Pain in my heart subsided in August, but my lung issues persisted, and I passed out several times.

    While I was driving to Las Vegas to see my mother at Christmas, I felt some new emotions for the first time.  It felt like emotional death, annihilation — as if I was somehow erased from this life.  This was my deepest experience of my core wound, and it was a great blessing to be able to release it.

    The strange thing about trauma is you can never really know when you have processed all of it.  Traumatic feelings often return for issues that you thought had already healed.  Trauma is like an onion with many layers.  We may have dealt with one layer only to face a deeper layer at a later date.

    The act of facing our traumas transforms us spiritually.  Chuck, my former self, was willing to do anything to escape his mental illness that was caused by his traumas.  He meditated for 3 and 4 hours a day for 4 months (3 different times) to break through walls of resistance in his meditations.  Facing his pain in meditation led to rising kundalini energy and eventually to his ascension.